Sunday, December 21, 2008

Thy Will Be Done

"Oh my Jesus, forgive us our sins; save us from the fires of hell, especially those in most need of thy mercy."

I long to pray, but I find all I can say is "Thy will be done." I feel frozen; I'm unsure how to pray anything more... or even if I should. A rock of sadness is wedged in my soul; I hold my breath, afraid to hope. The rock has been keeping me company for quite some time and despite the pain, I've grown accustomed to it.

Is my reluctance to pray for healing a lack of trust in God? Or is it a quiet knowing in my soul that I must endure this without complaint?

I know that pain is God's megaphone (CS Lewis) and that pain is used by God for our greater good (Romans 8:28). Is this particular pain necessary for me... or others? Or is it outside God's will?

I will grab the first fluttery butterfly wings of hope and dare to ask...

Lord, please resolve this situation...

...and help me to trust always in your love for me.

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5 comments:

Anne said...

I'm so sorry you are sad, Esther. I think that although God might use this sadness for one's greater good, He always encourages us to pray for release from it.
Maybe you need to go out of town to find it... would you believe I just spent a weekend in the warm sun in San Luis Obispo? Only a few hours away, but it isn't winter there!

And don’t forget that exercise and vitamin D make one happier.
That sounds so silly, sorry I’m such an advice monger. I felt so drawn to that blog tho, I don’t want to see you sad. Remember that you are so loved, by everyone who has ever met you.

God is so good, he gave us time divided into days. Each day when we wake up, we can have a new start. I think that if we had to look at our entire life all at once, we would give up and say that we couldn’t possibly do it. But each night is an end to the life we led and each day is a new start, a brand new life in Christ. What a blessing that is.

Esther said...

Anne, thank you for your words of encouragement! I especially love your thoughts on the division of life into days. I had never thought of it that way before; how very wise!

I thank God for your warmth and friendship.

I'm glad you had a warm, sunny time in SLO. :)

Esther said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Christine Trollinger said...

You will get through this valley soon. It is a sign of spiritual growth. Just hang in there.

Esther said...

You are right, Christine! It has been immensely rewarding in that way.

Merry Christmas with love. :)