How vainly we try to fill the holes that have been blown wide in our hearts! You, truly, are the only antidote to emptiness. Yet I find myself chasing bubbles. Comfort from these false gods is stretched thin; it betrays in the end, empty as vapor.
I attended a parish out of town for Christmas Mass this morning; it was a big church, old and beautiful, with many seats, yet it was very crowded. I entered the church alone, but once I was within I was surrounded by fellow pilgrims, all come to worship Christ. When the first strains of "O Come, All Ye Faithful" began, I found that I was overcome, so much so that I couldn't join in singing the opening hymn. Tears sprang to my eyes for the glory, the majesty, the sheer awesomeness of it all. Though the magi made their journey to see Him more than two millenia ago, people still gather to marvel at His birth. And who am I that I should be among them? I know not why God has wooed me to Himself. I can only be thankful that His gentle presence was with me from earliest childhood, though I didn't know His name... and that He led me into the waters of baptism as a teen... and that I am here now - amazingly! - as part of His Church. I pray that through His continued grace, I will always seek Him like the magi, and that He will be welcome to make His home in my heart like the humble manger where He lay so many years ago.
It is good that God does not expect us to understand each nuance of our journey with Him; if he did, I'd be lost. I am in a spiritual "holding dock" right now, moving neither forward nor backward, just waiting to see what God will do next. Perhaps it is like the safe, secure darkness of a womb, with birth pending but unseen. I like that analogy; it's very positive.
